I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for
the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machin-
ery of night,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy &
publishing obscene odes on the windows of the
skull,
who thought they were only mad when Baltimore
gleamed in supernatural ecstasy,
who burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting
the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,
who howled on their knees in the subway and were
dragged off the roof waving genitals and manu-
scripts,
who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out
if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had
a vision to find out Eternity,
who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space
through images juxtaposed, and trapped the
archangel of the soul between 2 visual images
and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun
and dash of consciousness together jumping
with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna
Deus
to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human
prose and stand
before you speechless and intel-
ligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet con-
fessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm
of thought in his naked and endless head,
II
What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open
their skulls and ate up their brains and imagi-
nation?
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unob
tainable dollars!
Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose
blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers
are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni-
bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking
tomb!
Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch
whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch
whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch
whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen!
Moloch whose name is the Mind!
Moloch whose buildings are judgment!
Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stun-
ned governments!
Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom
I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch
who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy!
Moloch whom I abandon!
Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs!
skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic
industries! spectral nations! invincible mad
houses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path toward prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.
For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sanh.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction....
...that's kind of a big deal i mean really now. big deal.
so to those who witnessed it all and still decided i was worth it--THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU
my other half gumlia, richard dear, hilarie hilarie, the now married jorjia, my best "driving" love ms lauren, the M in jam ms lopez, the also now married mrs magnuson and the A in jam. love you all.
"death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live."
-norman cousins
those once previously trapped, hidden from my sight, and stacked without care
are now visible
and are used to maintain sanity and perspective
*outlaw culture--bell hooks
*branded nation--james b. twitchell
*finding faith--richard flory,
PH.D. and donald e. miller, PH.D.
*brave new world--aldous huxley
*weight of glory--c.s. lewis
*modern social imagination--charles taylor
*united by faith--curtiss paul deyo
ung, michael o. emerson, george yancy, karen chai kim
*privilege, power, and difference--allan g. johnson
*cultures and societies in a changing world--wendy griswold
*reconciliation blues--edward gilbreath
*dandelion wine--ray brad
bury
*the great gatsby--f. scott fitzgerald
*1984--george orwell
*on the road--jack kerouac
*junky--william s. burroughs
*killing yourself to live--chuck klosterman
*a million little pieces--james frey
*"why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?"--beverly daniel tatum, PH.D.
*"howl" fifty years later--edited by jason shindler
*naked lunch--william s. burroughs
*blue like jazz--donald miller
*till we have faces--c.s. lewis
Meet My Brother: Ken Kesey
A brief list/descriptions of the unfortunate comparisons found in the lives of Ken Kesey and Jazzmin Chacon
Ken Kesey
1. Born in Colorado (La Junta) and raised in a household of fundamental Christianity
2. 1959 Ken Kesey was involved in a “government drug research program that tested a variety of psychoactive drugs, including LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, and amphetamine IT-290. Over a period of several weeks, Kesey ingested these hallucinogens and wrote of his drug-induced experiences for government researchers. It was this experience that fundamentally altered Kesey, personally and professionally.”
3. Kesey enjoyed living life at his own discretion. Banding together with friends and drugs to celebrate life as they knew it, he and “the Merry Pranksters who openly used psychoactive drugs, wore outrageous attire, performed bizarre acts of street theater, and engaged in peaceful confrontation with not only the laws of conformity, but with the mores of conventionality. He and the Merry Pranksters became notorious for throwing parties in which certain chemicals mysteriously found their way into the punch.” They also enjoyed performing “their Acid Tests and use of LSD and other drugs.”
4. His addiction to the hallucinogens once prescribed by the government (in the name of research), coupled with his unwillingness to conform, eventually led to Kesey's arrest for marijuana possession. “When the government made LSD illegal, Ken and the Pranksters fled to Mexico.” But in 1965, he ultimately was arrested for possession of marijuana. He then served “a five-month prison sentence at the San Mateo County Jail.”
Jazzmin Chacon:
1. Predominantly raised in Colorado Springs, the haven of the narrow minded evangelical community, and was also subjected to much evangelical rhetoric, mind warp, and brainwashing.
2. Jazzmin discovered a way out of the evangelical fundamentalist conformity and falsely enjoyed a life of marijuana and excessive frivolity. The summer of ’07 encompassed times of carefree moral abandonment, irresponsibility and hidden deprivation notwithstanding. Perpetual marijuana use and one night stands were a constant.
3. Those who could not see past the illegal drug use, those who missed the pain and compensational purposes of said drugs found the narcotics unacceptable. Jazzmin could no longer see beyond the burdens that imprisoned her and those who betrayed her. Suicide attempt proved unsuccessful.
4. Methods of psychiatric conventionality were deemed a necessary solution. Pharmaceutical traditions were mandated. Implementing the sole use of psychotherapy was not permitted. Instead, numerous pills have been prescribed. If one drug proves useless another one quickly becomes its replacements. Jazzmin is currently being weaned off one drug and now taking three, THREE, doctor prescribed drugs in hopes of maintaining the serotonin levels and gaining increased motivation and energy. So far all efforts in the way of pharmaceuticals have proven futile. Jazzmin is at the whim of Big Business and her psychiatrist.
Although these comparisons are not without their obvious flaws, the reality of pharmaceutical drug use as a means in gaining permanent security is blatant. However, my story is still in process and maybe, just maybe, on the other side of this purgatory I will see the value of all that I currently detest and am ultimately subjected.
i have been influenced and thus inspired by the overseas adventures of m. lopez aka jaM,
the musings of dear richard,
and the witty media critiques of the renowned scuttlebutt author herself, c. gumlia
so here i begin
here i tell all
here i finally let you in
and although i once protected the severity of my insecure mind
and never would dare such a vulnerable venture
gumlia gave me her approval
so that makes everything ok
ok
i fucking want to talk to mary.
while i am without her presence and support the need to escape into her oblivion has escalated
and in the absence of her pacifying nature i have decided to dwell on those moments when the lack of mental clarity provided emotional freedom
plus these are quite hilarious moments which must be documented
these musings of the once intoxicated soul must be appreciated dammit!
and honestly, all distractions have been stripped and i am left with my rambling thoughts and thus i turn to those sacred memories still preserved
these recollections i now affectionately title:
The Giant Tree In Suburbia
(in all fairness to authorship, lauren--the girl donning the white scarf--stumbled across this title after visiting mary at derek's house)
***what happens to starbucks partners who refuse to quit--performed by the girl donning the white scarf***
"so here, listen up. I am so fed up with glorified masochism that you blame others for.
You are a rumor spreading bitch who glorifies herself into a hopeless sexcipade with a desperate womanizer.
You make me sick, whenever I think about your sorry ass life I think about putting you out of your misery to come.
You are dependant.
You lack every skill possessed by man.
You have no sense.
We all see you as a stupid cow; you graze along the front line and moo at on comers, then you walk away to further graze in the back pastures leaving the work to farmers who serve you.
Inductive reasoning leads me to believe that Starbucks supports Hindu cultures by promoting and giving raises to fat ugly cows.
Emily S, Katie C, Michelle, Linda D, and Annie S, just to name a few.
As a fat ugly cow, you (emily) have no real purpose. Therefore rising you to the top level of management actually improves the morale and the productivity of others as you are no longer a large lump of lard in their way.
When things need to be done the productive farmers move the fat cows into the back fields so the farmers can have a larger marginal productivity of labor.
The fat cows enjoy this time as they get to pick their favorite treats and moo along with each other about mindless, gossipy banter that if others heard they would indeed leave you immediately for repulsion to your utter lack of any sense."
***ok ok now my turn***
"the victim's are countless
their is no end to their stupidity when mastered by insolence
they enforce a lack of personality yet nail that damn smile on your face with incentives of Breakfast Blend and Guatemala Antigua
why must such ignorance be fostered and appreciated?
why is the tolerance of the incompetence coddled?
where did the lies begin? How did they grow with such force when the roots are nonexistent?
guilty by association?
bullshit!
bullshit!"
(amazing when under the influence of the herb that my rantings turn toward the bucks
and must i remind all i am still employed? i am my own worst enemy)
**ok ok one more yeah?
during the summer of '07 lauren carstensen and jazzmin chacon embarked on an adventure that would forever solidify their friendship with each other and the empowering mary herself
enjoying the summer heat and marlboro lights we allowed our black lungs and wandering minds to purge pure genius or perhaps stupidity, not quite sure***
"this night consists of pure frivolity
submission to instinctive routine traps us with mind games of freedom and mild civility
yet those who seem altered by this base mechanism
will understand the power of deception and guidance into the unknown
and that is what is caught up in this organic symmetry
whoever is left out will then be denied access into disillusions
tarnished by simplicity
--lauren and jazz getting high with the vykaden mixed with a little alcohol and martini substitutes o and please do not forget the cigarettes
thank you and good night
6/20-21/07"
***and yet one more? one more you say? ok ok ***
"coffee cigarettes and good conversation
she threw up violently
water
liquid for this time is not what came to mind but the hand must continue to type for fear of loss of consciousness
dr reuter instilled the need to let the words flow allowing them freedom in their diversity and syntax
yet when coddled for so long, allowing mistakes and imperfections to be glossed over with an appropriately placed gold star adorning every page full of errors
there are too many run on sentences
but that is what ginsberg placed back into the hearts of those unwilling to conform
how could i have lost that word for so long
no more shall those who pass this patio deck allowed entrance into our cavern of smoke
that's exactly how i felt when i read it
so there be me and her and all our glory because
all are a little afraid of the after life or lack there of
of non existence
of not being immortalized
and forever remembered
yet that's ok if you are not a zombie like i currently am
but she knows allllll that she wants
and there are too many forgotten
i am losing my mind
--the end the sage of my 24hr trip to hell and back with lauren carstensen as my tour guide into this mania
ps lauren did not screw peter, emily snow, death to your smutty pussy beware if you wake up one morining to find you no longer have a vagina but instead you possess a rather limp dick
the end again"
i am satisfied.
the urge to return into mary's cavern has, for the time being, vanished and i am at last content to be "above the influence" (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)
goodnight
and
good luck
