details of the war

i fucking want to talk to mary.

while i am without her presence and support the need to escape into her oblivion has escalated

and in the absence of her pacifying nature i have decided to dwell on those moments when the lack of mental clarity provided emotional freedom

plus these are quite hilarious moments which must be documented 

these musings of the once intoxicated soul must be appreciated dammit!

and honestly, all distractions have been stripped and i am left with my rambling thoughts and thus i turn to those sacred memories still preserved

these recollections i now affectionately title:

The Giant Tree In Suburbia 

(in all fairness to authorship, lauren--the girl donning the white scarf--stumbled across this title after visiting mary at derek's house) 

***what happens to starbucks partners who refuse to quit--performed by the girl donning the white scarf***

"so here, listen up.  I am so fed up with glorified masochism that you blame others for.

You are a rumor spreading bitch who glorifies herself into a hopeless sexcipade with a desperate womanizer.

You make me sick, whenever I think about your sorry ass life I think about putting you out of your misery to come.

You are dependant.  

You lack every skill possessed by man.

 You have no sense.

We all see you as a stupid cow; you graze along the front line and moo at on comers, then you walk away to further graze in the back pastures leaving the work to farmers who serve you.  

Inductive reasoning leads me to believe that Starbucks supports Hindu cultures by promoting and giving raises to fat ugly cows.  

Emily S, Katie C, Michelle, Linda D, and Annie S, just to name a few.  

As a fat ugly cow, you (emily) have no real purpose.  Therefore rising you to the top level of management actually improves the morale and the productivity of others as you are no longer a large lump of lard in their way.  

When things need to be done the productive farmers move the fat cows into the back fields so the farmers can have a larger marginal productivity of labor.

The fat cows enjoy this time as they get to pick their favorite treats and moo along with each other about mindless, gossipy banter that if others heard they would indeed leave you immediately for repulsion to your utter lack of any sense."

***ok ok now my turn***

"the victim's are countless

their is no end to their stupidity when mastered by insolence 

they enforce a lack of personality yet nail that damn smile on your face with incentives of Breakfast Blend and Guatemala Antigua 

why must such ignorance be fostered and appreciated?

why is the tolerance of the incompetence coddled?

where did the lies begin? How did they grow with such force when the roots are nonexistent?

guilty by association?

bullshit!

bullshit!"

(amazing when under the influence of the herb that my rantings turn toward the bucks

and must i remind all i am still employed? i am my own worst enemy)

**ok ok one more yeah?

during the summer of '07 lauren carstensen and jazzmin chacon embarked on an adventure that would forever solidify their friendship with each other and the empowering mary herself

enjoying the summer heat and marlboro lights we allowed our black lungs and wandering minds to purge pure genius or perhaps stupidity, not quite sure***

"this night consists of pure frivolity

submission to instinctive routine traps us with mind games of freedom and mild civility

yet those who seem altered by this base mechanism 

will understand the power of deception and guidance into the unknown

and that is what is caught up in this organic symmetry 

whoever is left out will then be denied access into disillusions 

tarnished by simplicity 

--lauren and jazz getting high with the vykaden mixed with a little alcohol and martini substitutes o and please do not forget the cigarettes

thank you and good night 

6/20-21/07"

***and yet one more? one more you say? ok ok ***

"coffee cigarettes and good conversation

she threw up violently

water

liquid for this time is not what came to mind but the hand must continue to type for fear of loss of consciousness

dr reuter instilled the need to let the words flow allowing them freedom in their diversity and syntax

yet when coddled for so long, allowing mistakes and imperfections to be glossed over with an appropriately placed gold star adorning every page full of errors

there are too many run on sentences 

but that is what ginsberg placed back into the hearts of those unwilling to conform

how could i have lost that word for so long 

no more shall those who pass this patio deck allowed entrance into our cavern of smoke 

that's exactly how i felt when i read it

so there be me and her and all our glory because

all are a little afraid of the after life or lack there of

of non existence

of not being immortalized

and forever remembered

yet that's ok if you are not a zombie like i currently am

but she knows allllll that she wants

and there are too many forgotten

i am losing my mind

--the end the sage of my 24hr trip to hell and back with lauren carstensen as my tour guide into this mania 

ps lauren did not screw peter, emily snow, death to your smutty pussy beware if you wake up one morining to find you no longer have a vagina but instead you possess a rather limp dick

  the end again"

i am satisfied.

the urge to return into mary's cavern has, for the time being, vanished and i am at last content to be "above the influence" (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

goodnight

and

good luck